


Lucky Boy

by rockwell_psycho



Category: Fosse/Verdon (TV)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Trauma, Comfort/Angst, Disturbing Themes, Drabble, F/M, POV Third Person, Self-Destruction, Self-Doubt, troubled mind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-07 21:25:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18881566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rockwell_psycho/pseuds/rockwell_psycho
Summary: Some people have all the luck...





	Lucky Boy

**Author's Note:**

> “Remember there’s always someone better than you out there, Bobby. Always someone working harder than you. Don’t think for a second I couldn’t replace you a hundred times over.” ©
> 
> ***
> 
> Basically just my perception of some moments from Episode 5.

_\- What did you ever do to deserve that?_

_\- Some people have all the luck._

He chuckles trying his best to make his smile look relaxed, not bitter. 

Honestly, there’s no big deal. It’s been ages ago. We all have these awkward first time stories, right? But why does the memory still make him wince as if in pain as he strolls out of the room for another bottle of brandy?..

He shakes his head tossing away the feeling. Dirty, disturbing. It’s been ages ago. Why is it still with him? Will it be with him forever? Apparently. Somewhere in the back of his mind. Whatever.

He lights another cigarette, takes a deep drag. Hey, man. Relax. All is fine. You’re Bob Fosse after all. The luckiest boy. A rising star. Some people say you’re a genius. They give you all the awards. All of them are well deserved, why don’t you let yourself rest and just enjoy it?..

But the voice… The voice you still can hear in your head.  _“Don’t think for a second I couldn’t replace you a hundred times over”._ And you know it’s true _. “Remember, there’s always be someone better than you, someone working harder than you”_ , - he says. That’s right. So you just do the best you can. While you still can.

No, rest is not for someone like Bob. Just go on. Lose yourself in work. Immerse completely. Then lose yourself in sex, drugs, booze. All of these at once, and then repeat all over again. Don’t stop. It might kill you someday, but it’s better like that. Because once you take a break you’re all alone with yourself. Facing your present and past. The boy you used to be. The man you’ve become. And suddenly this goddamn song Gwen is singing there in the living room seems way more relatable than you wish it to be.

_“No matter where I run I meet myself there…”_

When his eyes suddenly meet hers he’s got a feeling that she knows what he’s trying to hide. It’s amazing how a person can look at you sometimes and it feels like they’re looking right into your soul. It’s amazing how you just cannot be together, but you cannot be apart either. Maybe that’s because you are the same? Two broken people trying to fix themselves with what they’re doing, with their art. It’s an escape you both need.

Later that night he cannot sleep. She cannot either. There are only the two of them right now. Restless souls. She’s talking about Chicago again. He’s annoyed. But when she suddenly speaks about Joan something changes. That’s when he starts to understand. She needs it. She needs to lose herself as much as he does. No one can understand it better. She’s trying to compose herself as he’s coming closer. A touch. A sigh. She doesn’t protest when his lips are searching for hers desperately. Losing yourself. Since you both need it, tonight you’re losing yourself in each other.

What happens at night stays in the night. When the morning comes they hug their loved ones as if nothing happened. In fact, nothing really changed. He always knew, and she knew as well - they’re bound together. Even if they’re apart. And maybe it’s a good thing. Comforting. Just to know they still have each other to hold on to.

You’re a lucky boy, Bobby, after all. A lucky boy.


End file.
